Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Don't Come Home Soon

The other day a friend of mine and I were talking and I realized that I hate to hear phrases like, "Come home soon" or "Wish you were here". The holidays are upon us and I have missed many of them. There are several days lately, hell throughout the past year, that I get depressed knowing I am missing things that I enjoy back home.

The good intentions of those from home are quite appreciated, but annoy me just the same. To say, "We love you, come home soon" is annoying to me. There are only a couple of ways I will get to come home soon and I do not like any of them. Even the option of a total military withdrawl where I come home alive and in one piece, means that we leave before the region is stable enough to stand on it's own and my brothers and sisters have died in vain.

To come home soon, before my time, is to come home in a box or in pieces and I know that is not what my family wishes when they say that. No; coming home soon is not an option I want to expore.

"Wish you were here" is another phrase that eats at me when I am feeling depressed already. I wish I was there too, but I really like when you rub it in that I am not (sarcasm). I hate hearing how much fun you are having. It is selfish, I know. Someday I may regret writing this entry today, but it is how I feel more often than not.

To me, every day is one more day closer I get to coming home. We do not celebrate the holidays here. We do not celebrate the weekends. Every day is just another day because we still go out and fight bad guys. We can't head down the road singing Jingle Bells while we are looking for bombs and bad guys. We can't say, "Hey, it's Christmas, let's not get attacked today!"

To me, my birthday was just another day. Actually, it kinda sucked; V was killed on my birthday. Halloween; I guess I was a soldier for halloween this year. Thanksgiving meant longer lines at the chow hall. Christmas will mean the same.

Every day here, is just another day. Someday I will be home, with family and friends and I will celebrate the holidays. In the years to follow, I will appreciate the time I spend with my family, holiday or any day. For me, this year, just wish me not to come home soon.