Monday, April 23, 2007

My little brother is at war

This entry will not be about me. It will not be about how unhappy or pissed off I am at people here. This time I feel I need to write and tell you about my little brother, Gary. My little brother is at war too. Physically and mentally, he fights a war every day. I read his words and hear his thoughts and feel his pain. If you know him you know what a fun guy he is. He is definitely mischievous and has a devilish grin that he does when he knows he's been caught doing something. I will never let him house-sit for me again, and he knows why, but that's okay. I love him all the same.

Gary is stationed overseas, like I am, but at a different base. He is depressed and it kills me that I can't be there to offer support for him. When I did get to visit him a couple months ago, I tried to have a heart to heart talk and offer my support. It wasn't what he wanted to hear, but that's me. I think he knows I love him and I don't always agree with him, but I am his brother and will be here for him as he needs me. I will not be a shield or a protector as I do not believe those things help us grow as people. In my opinion, he was shielded way too long. No, I will let him fall and hurt, and learn. I will let him get up on his own and I will follow beside him on the next path he takes. I will be there to offer advice, opinion and encouragement. As young adults, we must be allowed to make mistakes so we can learn from them. As negative things occur in my life, I use them to learn what not to do. I believe everything happens for a reason, good or bad. Everything we do today guides us on a path that leads to tomorrow. Sometimes I do get angry and say, "I can't wait to get home and get back on with my life!"

Something I have learned is that my life hasn't stopped. You can tell in my words that I often lose focus when I have a bad day. When I do that, I am not focused on the good days. I know we are men and men are strong and masculine, but when I hear my little brother so sad, I just want to hold him close; just so he'll know I'm there. I won't tell him tomorrow will be better, because it may not be. I won't tell him that he will be better off in the long run, because he may not be. I will tell him what I hope he already knows… I love you and I am here for you.